TRANSLATION CONCEPT

TRANSLATION CONCEPT

Before translating Chinh Phu Ngam and Kieu, I pondered for a long time over the problem of how these wonderful poems should be translated. How could the translation be done so that it could retain as much of the beauty of the original as possible by evoking in the reader’s mind the exquisite images, emotions, and impressions that the original poem offers? The rhythm, the musicality and the poetic language of the original verses can never be rendered by a translation in prose, which readily transforms a melodious poem into a story or in the case of Kieu, a novel, no matter how skillful the translator may be. A translation in prose definitely distorts and denatures any poem. Consequently, the first rule I apply to the translation of Kieu is:

The translation must be in the form of verses to keep as much as possible the beauty of the original poem. To illustrate this concept let us take some examples from the English version in prose, the only English translation available to me up to now:

Original:

Tiếc thay một đoá trà mi
Con ong đã tỏ đường đi lối về
Một cơn mưa gió nặng nề
Thương gì đến ngọc tiếc gì đến hương Đêm xuân một giấc mơ màng
Đuốc hoa để đó mặc nàng nằm trơ.
Giọt riêng tầm tã tuôn mưa
Phần căm nỗi khách, phần nhơ nỗi mình.

Nguyen Du wrote these verses to beautifully describe the moment Kieu was deflowered by Ma Giam Sinh, the pander who bought her for his saloon. The English translation in prose reads:

Ah! Poor flower of camellia!

Here the bee came, and to and fro he open his way...

What a squall of rain and wind!

No regard was given to her frail jade, no pity was had for this light perfume!

How to describe that night full of nightmare?

The light of the flowery torches left in the room shone over the girl, abandoned and forlornin the bed.

Bitter tears flowed down endlessly, imbued with hatred for that stranger, and full of shame for her stained body.

And this is our translation of the same verses: O, poor tender camellia flower!

The profane bee swooped down and brutally opened his way into her!
The violent storm raged on heavily
With no consideration for her delicate body and the perfume of her beauty. After that love nightmare, she woke up to find

Herself lying all alone in bed under the nuptial lights.

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As in a downpour, her tears flowed abundantly Against that stranger, tears of animosity
And against herself, tears of repugnancy.

The English translation in prose has the merit of rendering the idea contained in the original verses, but it fails to bring out the rhythm, the musicality that makes the beauty of the original verses. With almost the same vocabulary but arranged in a poetic fashion and structured according to the poetic language, our translation sounds better and can render part if not all of the beauty of the original verses. Let’s use some more examples to elucidate our concept:

Original:

Dưới dòng nước chảy trong veo

Trên cầu tơ liễu bóng chiều thướt tha
The translation in prose of the two verses above reads as follows:

Down in the rivulet the water seemed wonderfully clear.

Near the bridge, the silk of the willow trailed in the evening shade Our translation:

In the stream, crystal clear water was flowing by

Near the bridge, a willow tree was undulating its hair in the sunset light.

The poetic language and style used in our verses evoke in the reader’s mind a more romantic and picturesque description of the scenery.

Original:

Buồng the phải buổi thong dong
Thang lan rủ bức trướng hồng tắm hoa Rõ màu trong ngọc trắng ngà
Dày dày sẵn đúc một toà thiên nhiên Sinh càng tỏ nét càng quen
Ngụ tình tay thảo một thiên luật đường.

The English translation in prose:
Kieu profited from this hour of liberty to take a perfume bath in her room.

Through the light rosy gauze curtain, the silhouette of her body stood out as white and transparent as if it were made of jade and ivory.

It resembled truly a perfect statue and a divine masterpiece

The young man conceived a great admiration for her sweet heart as he considered her qualities more deeply.

Unable to keep these sentiments to himself, Thuc improvised and wrote to her a poem in particular form of the Duong prosody. (Note: Duong prosody is a kind of poem composed of eight sentences of seven syllables each.)

Beside one misinterpretation (in the fifth verse and the word “nét” meaning curves of lines was thought by the translator to be “nết” meaning qualities or virtue), the translation in prose is almost a literal translation of the verses.

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And this is our translation:
In her room, on a day of leisure, Kieu lowered

The pink curtain to take a bath in water perfumed with orchid flowers. Jade pure, ivory white, her body appeared in its pristine beauty,
A perfect temple of love created by God the Almighty.
The more Thuc looked at her lovely curves, the more he liked.

Inspired by admiration, a classic poem he improvised.

Anyone would notice the difference between the two translations.

In my concept, verses must be rhymed. Without rhymes, verses lose most of their charm and musicality no matter how poetic the language used may be. That’s why I tried to rhyme all the verses of my English version of Kieu. Some of the rhymes are weak, but even with weak rhymes, the verses sound much better than no rhyme at all.

My second concern is the correct interpretation of the verses to be translated. Kieu, a classic poem of the nineteenth century certainly contains some obsolete expressions or terms that are now no longer in use and lead readily to misinterpretations. I have read the best French versions of Kieu by distinguished Vietnamese and French scholars and found to my great astonishment that those scholars did not interpret several Kieu verses the same way. Sometimes, because of the inversion of words required by either the rimes or the poetic way of saying things, verses appear to be somewhat ambiguous and requires careful reflection as well as good judgment for correct comprehension. The example above clearly illustrates my point. Thetranslator misinterpreted the word “nét” (curves or lines) and took it for “nết” (virtues or qualities) and the misinterpretation, of course, leads to an inaccurate translation. Let’s take another example:

Original:

Ở đây tai vách mạch dừng
Thấy ai người cũ cũng đừng nhìn chi Kẻo khi sấm sét bất kỳ
Con ong cái kiến kêu gì được oan

The translator took the word “dừng” meaning strips of bamboo used in the construction of partitions or lattices in Vietnam and China for “rừng”, meaning forest because the two words have almost the same pronunciation in Vietnamese, particularly in North Vietnam. He also misinterpreted the word “mạch”, meaning in the context “interstices” by assigning to it the meaning of “source of spring”. And the following is his English translation:

Here in this house, all the walls have ears like small spring in the forest.
If ever you meet one of your old friends, pretend not to be acquainted with her*. Unexpected storms might break out and at that moment,
As a weak bee or a frail ant, how can you prove your innocence?

It should be “him”, meaning Thuc, Kieu’s husband. And this is our translation:

Here walls have ears and partitions have eyes,
Should you ever see any old acquaintance, don’t try to recognize

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Or thunder would fall upon you otherwise

A humble ant as you are, how could you against injustice cry? A correct interpretation makes all the difference.

To avoid misinterpretation and misunderstanding, before translating Kieu, I spent a long time studying several Vietnamese editions of Kieu as well as the explanations and commentaries given by prominent Vietnamese scholars to make sure that I fully understood all the verses and obsolete words of Kieu. Of course, I had to make my own judgment since there were so many discrepancies in the notes, explanation, and commentaries. It’s a long process requiring patience and time but it is a must.

My third concern is the accuracy of the translation. “Traduire c’est trahir” (To translate is to betray) goes as a French saying. The translator is apt to go away from the original meaning and sometimes make blunders that change completely the meaning of the original, especially when the translation is in French or English that has no relation whatsoever with the original Vietnamese, a musical language having its root from Chinese. In reading a foreign language masterpiece, reader’s enjoyment is doubled: the joy of discovery in unfamiliar surroundings and that of finding himself in a familiar land since every great literary work is at the same time both universal and typically national. Any good translation aims at unveiling unknown beauties of foreign lands, mountains, seas, and rivers without bombarding the reader with a landslide of strange details. A good translation resembles the original but also differs from it because it is a new work that contains something creative from the translator. It might be said without any exaggeration that the translator is the surrogate mother of his translation that he nourishes with his own blood, brain, and heart.

Accuracy, of course, remains the first quality of any good translation. Once this principle is admitted, comes immediately with this question: Is it literal accuracy or content accuracy? Before doing his work, a conscientious translator should make a decision about the priority of accuracy. Sometimes accuracy is much worse than misinterpretation since the translation then fails to communicate the emotions and sentiments that animate a treat literary work. Kieu abounds in special expressions and turns of phrases, in allusions to legends, proverbs, saying, ancient stories, and classic poems that lure translators into some form of literal translation. Let’s take a few examples to illustrate this point of view:

Original:

Khen: “Tài nhả ngọc phun châu

Nàng Ban ả Tạ cũng đâu thế nầy.”
A literal translation of the two above verses reads:

“Wonderful!” Exclaim Kim. “You really have the talent of emitting jade and pearls!

Even the famous Pan or the young poetess Tsie could not write better than this.”
The phrase “the talent of emitting jade and pearls” is the literal translation of the Vietnamese phrase “Tài

nhả ngọc phun châu”.

The literal translation evokes in the Western readers’ mind the picture of a witch with a magic power of conjuring jade and pearls. But is it the same picture Nguyen Du wanted to create in the minds of the readers? Of course, not. The phrase “Tài nhả ngọc phun châu” does not evoke in the mind of a Vietnamese reader the picture of a sorceress with black magic because it simply means “to have a great poetic talent”. It goes without saying that in this case, a literal translation fails to convey the real meaning of the original verse.

We propose the following translation in verses:
“How great your poetic talent is! He praised her

Your poem sounds like a pearl-and-jade shower!
I doubt the renowned poetesses Ban and Ta could do any better.”

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We added one more verse to retain the beautiful “pearl and jade” expression of the original. Original:

Nào người phượng chạ loan chung

Nào người tích lục tham hồng là ai? The translation in prose of these two verses reads:

Where are her former lovers, phoenixes attentive to her?

Where are the wooers of her green youth, those who lusted after her rosy complexion?

The Vietnamese words “chung” and “chạ” evoke in the Vietnamese readers’ mind the idea of carnal love, lovemaking, sharing the bed and the words “phượng” (the Phoenix) and “loan” (the she-Phoenix) are understood by the Vietnamese readers as a beautiful couple of lovers, not those mythical birds that were reborn from their ashes each morning. That’s why we prefer the following English version of the above two verses:

Where are those who her voluptuousness did share?

And where are those who adored her peachy cheeks and rich hair? Another example: Hạt mưa xá nghĩ phận hèn

Liều đem tấc cỏ báo đền ba xuân Translation in pose:

My body is worth only a drop of water and I must sacrifice my blade of grass to pay my debt to the three months of spring.

The first verse is derived from a Vietnamese popular song about the destiny of girls, which reads: As a young girl, my destiny is like a drop of rain falling

It may fall into a well or onto a flower garden that is blooming.

So the verse evokes the idea of resignation by a girl to her fate or destiny because she feels that she can do nothing to change things predetermined by God for her. The second verse is a metaphor derived from an ancient Chinese verse expressing the idea of sacrifice on the part of a child to pay his or her debt of existence to his or her parents. We suggest the following English translation of the above Vietnamese verses:

Original:

What did it matter her humble destiny? Just a drop of rain falling! To pay her debt of existence due to her father, she was willing.

Vân xem trang trọng khác vời
Khuông trăng đầy đặn, nét ngài nở nang Hoa cười ngọc thốt đoan trang
Mây thua nước tóc tuyết nhường màu da.

Nguyen Du used the four verses above to describe the beauty of Van, Kieu’s younger sister. The translation in pose of the four verses reads:

Van’s moon like round face, and her brows like two unrolled silkworms, gave her a very imposing beauty.

Her smile like a blooming flower and her voice of jade were indeed very comely.

And what were clouds, compared to her hair, snow compared to her complexion?

To English readers, Van was not beautiful at all with her face as round as the full moon and her brows looked like two unrolled silkworms above her eyes.

And this is our English version of the same verses:

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Van commanded a not so common dignity
Her harmonious face with delicate bold eyebrows radiated generosity. Her decency was enhanced by her voice of jade and her smile of flower. Snow yielded to her complexion, and clouds to her hair splendor.

Now, Van looked much better.

From the above considerations I arrived at this process:

1) Before translating, read several times two verses at a time until they are memorized and make sure that they are correctly understood.

2) Think in English to express the ideas contained in the verses already memorized to make the translation as if it were originally written in English.

3) Try to follow the content and ideas of the original verses so as to convey to the readers the original Vietnamese expressions and emotions.

4) Try to keep all the symbols, allusions, metaphors, allegories, and hyperboles that may bring to the English-speaking readers new images and original ways of seeing life and emotions.

5) Eliminate any original language artifice or ornament that, when translated literally into English, may lead to ambiguity or ruin the original picture intended by the Vietnamese poet.

I am profoundly grateful to America, this wonderful land that provided me and my seven children the opportunity to enjoy the freedom and have a better life. I feel it’s my duty to contribute to the enrichment of the spiritual life and culture of this marvelous country which is often called “the melting pot”. This English version of Kieu is offered as one of my contributions. I do hope that it will bring you some spiritual entertainment and a better understanding of the Vietnamese culture as well as the Vietnamese community in America.

Hoài Văn Tử